Category Archives: archetypes and therapy

archetypes and therapy, shadow work, The King Within

The Sovereign Wound

The Emotional Wound Of The King

The emotional wound in the King archetype is a belief, or fear, that you are not good enough. This wound means always having a sense you need to do better, perform better, behave better, or achieve more. It embodies a belief or felt sense that, without these external “successes”, you have little or no intrinsic value.

Similarly, comparison with others damages our King energy and teaches us we are not good enough as we are. If we are valued by our comparison to others – in exams, sports or any other system that “ranks” us – we may feel good when we do well, but this is immediately followed by the fear of not being able to keep up this performance. We know that at any point we could fail and be “bottom of the heap”, thereby losing our status and ending up with no worth whatsoever.

Alternatively children may receive the message that they are not good enough through being subject to endless criticism and shaming, which demonstrate a lack of acceptance of the child as they are and send a clear message that they need to improve or change in some way.

The average child is given thousands of opportunities to learn he’s not good enough. The most obvious is constant criticism, either overtly or covertly. Overt criticism is obvious: “What did you do that for? Why did you do that? Can’t you do it any better? If only you’d tried harder! You’re useless…” You know the kind of thing, maybe.

Covert criticism comes in a million little pinpricks of insult, comments, poking fun, humiliations, and minor criticisms – or simply a lack of any praise – all of which diminishes rather than builds a child’s self-esteem. Regardless of how the message is delivered, the child senses its meaning – “You are simply not good enough.” Or, more likely, “You are not good enough to be loved / to be accepted / to be liked / to be one of us.” What might have been the message you received in your own family?

A caring parent who is wise enough to know how essential a strong sense of self-worth is in living a fulfilling life and achieving success will provide their son or daughter with plenty of positive support and encouragement. That’s the kind of feedback which both supports his developing self-esteem and allows him room to grow and develop as a person in his own right. If you did not have this experience, shadow work may be useful approach to personal growth.

Building a strong Inner King – video

A child who is blessed for what he does and who is provided with clear boundaries can internalize these positive messages. As he does so, he learns to manage his own life in a way that will serve him and, hopefully, allow him to serve the world. In essence, when a child experiences success he learns he is good enough and his sovereign energy grows. Sure, he may be unable to lead in all areas but he knows he can shine in many ways. And that in itself can be good enough.

However, when the opposite is true, and a child learns he is not good enough, perhaps not good enough to meet his parents’ expectations, or those of his teachers, friends or family, the wounding can be profound. He internalizes failure, not success. His self-image becomes one of “I can’t” rather than “I can”. One of “I won’t even try. I’ll fail. I have nothing to offer.”

Sadly for many children, the message they internalize is “I am nothing. I am worth nothing. I count for nothing.”

This is the Sovereign wound: anything which leaves you with a belief that you are not good enough to be the Sovereign in your own world. You may not feel it or know it, but it plays out, whether you are aware of it or not, in the way you present yourself in the world.

A belief that your achievements count for little or nothing. An unfelt sense of low self-worth which you act out all the time. You don’t want to be seen; you don’t deserve to be heard. You have nothing to offer, everywhere or in some particular areas of life. The specifics vary, the principle is the same: this is the wound of low-self worth, low self-confidence, low self-esteem.

The Sovereign wound seems to be the most widespread archetypal wound of all, for there are very few true Sovereigns in our world today. If you look around the current political, social, economic, environmental and business worlds you will be hard pressed to find many men and women who lead with power and dignity, with authority tempered by wisdom and discernment. You can find out how Sovereigns are made, not born, from this book.

The Sovereign wound is a wound which shows itself in many ways. An obvious one is perfectionism. You see, perfectionism is simply a form of trying hard to be good enough. Unfortunately, when being good enough means being perfect, you’re doomed to failure. Even if we were able to define what perfection means, how could anyone ever achieve it? Surely, it’s impossible to be perfect? The truth is we can only ever be “good enough”. And to appreciate that you are good enough is all that’s required of a Sovereign. This means to be good enough for the task at hand. To be good enough for ruling your kingdom as it is.

But what, you may say, is good enough? In practice, good enough means knowing you can lead with authority, feeling confident as you do so. It’s an internal sense of authority, knowing the rightness of your leadership, knowing you can lead (or if you prefer, since we are talking about the Sovereign here, “rule”) with wisdom and good judgment; knowing, in fact, that you are up to the job in every way.

Another aspect of the Sovereign wound is a lack of resilience. We see this in someone who can’t take the inevitable hits which life throws at him, someone who comes back weaker, not stronger, from these hits.  We all need resilience. There will always be people around us who are better or wiser than we are. There will always be people around us who simply want to take a pot shot at a Sovereign who’s showing up. We will all inevitably face criticism and we will all inevitably make mistakes.

The mark of a strong Sovereign with a fundamentally strong sense of self-esteem and self-worth is that he will bounce back from these dips, knowing that he is indeed good enough to do the job and that he can continue to rule using all of his authority, wisdom and justice.

Someone without resilience, who can’t take the hits and keep leading from the front, or someone who doesn’t have the strength to lead from the front in the first place, is unlikely to feel good enough. And to the extent that a man does not feel good enough to be the Sovereign in his life, he will fail at what he’s doing.

Sure, we all differ in our natural ability to cope with the demands that life makes of us. But given the right kind of encouragement, support and praise by our parents we all have the potential to develop a strong self-esteem and a powerful sense of self-worth. Sadly, a child’s self-esteem is a delicate thing, and so his sovereign energy needs careful nurturing to grow and develop into its fullness and maturity. That’s why all boys need a man they can look up to, a King who can offer them the consistent, clear, nurturing support of a father who understands what a Prince needs to develop naturally into a confident King.

Reproduced from Warrior Magician Lover King by Rod Boothroyd, by permission of the author.

archetypes and therapy, shadow work, shadow work and archetypes, The King Within

Finding The King Within (Part 3)

Life Coaching and Sovereign Energy

Life coaching is a good way to lead a man to his Kingship so he can discover all the qualities and values listed here before it is too late.

Mission and Vision are powerful areas where life coaching using the archetypal model can really help you develop the parts of yourself which are not currently showing themselves.

You can probably see how the King’s vision for the realm provides direction and purpose for everyone in his Kingdom. He is planning for the welfare of the kingdom to come – not just for the current generation, but for generations to come. 

If you have a grandfather or grandmother whom you respect for what s/he did, perhaps for what they laid down as the foundations of your family, or their foresight in supporting future generations – perhaps including your generation – then you’ll probably understand what I’m talking about.

So, do you, as King, have a vision for your own life? Do you have a plan for what you want to achieve this year? Next year? In five years’ time? In 10 years’ time? Do you know what you want to leave behind on this planet when you die?

Having a vision which includes all of those things is the first step in finding purpose and direction in your life.

In my experience very few men understand the power of vision in providing drive, impetus and energy to their lives. And even when men do have a vision of how their future could be, even fewer seem to have the power and potency to bring that vision into being as a reality.

Videos – Vision, Mission and Purpose

Personal Growth and Development, Sovereign Energy, and Mission

This is an area where personal coaching can have a massive effect. Working alongside an experienced coach can allow you to find the Sovereign energy inside yourself, and help you bring it to the world with a clear vision.

Over the years, I’ve attended many seminars by the likes of Anthony Robbins, Jack Canfield and Jack Black. Judging by the people I’ve met there, and what they say, it seems to me that only around 3% to 5% of any human population have Sovereign energy to any significant degree, or use Sovereign energy in their lives in a constructive way.

This is an absolute tragedy for the world. We all have power and potency, but it lies hidden in most people. Life coaching is desperately needed to bring it our – after all, compassionate but strong King and Queen energy is what the world needs most right now: you can read about these archetypes in my book Warrior Magician Lover King: A Guide To the Male Archetypes Updated For The 21st Century.

In truth, as children most of us are not brought up in a way which encourages the development of a strong self-esteem, or the expression of a sense of power, or an appreciation of the simple reality that our Sovereign energy can allow us to get everything we want in the world. This is explained in my book about the male archetypes.

Sure, for many people, simply coping with the demands of life is as much as they can cope with. But I want to be really clear about this. I don’t believe any of us lack Sovereign energy. There’s a wonderful expression used in the world of self-development as an affirmation: “All I need is within me now”. 

I absolutely believe this to be true. Sure, that energy  may need accessing. It may need bringing to life. It may need work before it is expressed.

But until that happens, few of us will be comfortable with standing in our sovereign energy and using it in the world.

Many men whom I’ve coached have found that the development of Sovereign energy can be a slow process. No surprise there! The world does not generally encourage Sovereigns!

Fortunately, you can work on this while getting support from the people around you. I, and other life coaches who work with these archetypal concepts, can bring you into a fuller connection with your innate power, wisdom and leadership. This is the unique value of archetypal coaching.

Perhaps the first step in fully embracing your own Sovereign energy is having a vision of how the world and your life might look if you were standing in your own Sovereign energy.

Having a vision of how your life would look if, in fact, you had easy access to your Sovereign energy, and a full appreciation of your Sovereign qualities. This is one of many things which Archetypal Coaching can do for you.